Oh, God!

The year was 1977 and George Burns had shown me what a one of a kind actor he was. He brought God into my soul in a way that I could grasp and believe in his presence. George’s portrayal of God’s method of teaching couldn’t have been any more enlightening. Oh my goodness, goodness, goodness all you folks out there who like to believe in miracles. It’s hard to believe what has just happened. I am right now sitting at my breakfast counter/office desk eating a bowl of Wheat Bran cereal with lots of blueberries and a banana on top with milk to wash it down. Any food this healthy I shouldn’t need God but he must have thought otherwise as he is presently sitting across from me right now and he saying, “I’m going to be here awhile so how about a cup of coffee, I like it black.” I know you’re all rolling your eyes and thinking this is not the person I used to know, poor guy he must have had a serious Brain Fart. God said, “I’ve come here today to discuss some of your thoughts. You know and I know what you’re thinking and you’re thinking about this mess our world is in and what a shame it would be, to let it slip through one of those cracks in the Cosmos never to be seen again. You’ve got the Pandemic still going on and your president and Old Joe Biden have turned it into a political war where facts don’t count and fake news is swallowed up as the gospel. I think when the history books have all been written about this evil virus it will be said that ‘the cure was worse than the disease’.” “The mismanagement of you’re forest and grasslands is appalling because you bought into Smoky Bear and his slogan, ‘only you can prevent forest fires’ for way too long, never realizing that a time bomb was quietly amassing millions upon millions of tons of fuel on the floor of your forest, brush and grasslands. Well, you know

Mother Nature, she’s my keeper of all the living things on Earth and I trust her judgment implicitly. She told me that her forest, grass and brush lands couldn’t stand this build up any longer and she was going to use some lightning and human error to start cleaning up her environment. She also said that Climate Change had nothing to do with it. It was simply an uncontrolled build up of dry matter over time that you humans caused by embracing the idea that all fire is ugly and that you were arrogant enough to think that you could control it forever.” “My my, Nature you’re really on a rant today.” “Well it slays me when you folks think that you can toss my rules about (the balance of nature) as so much BS out the window. My hope is that the people that I have entrusted to represent you folks which are your foresters and range managers, know what they are talking about and a worthwhile idea has just come to my mind. Let’s change Smokey Bear's job description to ‘only you can help clean up our forests, brush and grasslands’. But please, this time you’ve got to listen to them.’ “God would you like some more coffee and a donut?” I said. “Yes, thank you and I’d sure like that last Glazed Donut in the corner of the box. My that’s a good donut. Give me a minute to take another bite and a sip of coffee and I will again tell you what you’re now thinking about. It’s born out of frustration that some of our citizens believe they have been getting the short end of the stick for too long. I think a lot of grievances are certainly justified but some of the problems people bring on themselves. So now “we the people” need to stop using the “they” word and start using the “we” word and if we can do that it can start a new revolution of mutual respect recognizing that collective solutions will always yield the best results.” “As to all this marching, protesting and burning parts of our cities down, it’s only polarizing everybody so nobody can hear what the other one is saying. We all need to take a stepback, take a deep breath, and realize that love always works better than war.” “God, I feel like such a eunuch that has nothing to contribute, certainly no silver bullets, only blanks.” “Oh, don’t be so hard on yourself. Even I would have to break a sweat to straighten out this mess you’ve got yourselves into and if I did it for you, you guys probably wouldn’t learn anything. So I’m going to hand you one of my pieces to life’s puzzle then I’m going to step back and see if these words might help you deal with the mess you’ve made.” “My full name is God, Genuine, Everlasting. I think my folks could have picked a better handle but I’ve gotten used to it.” “God you mean to tell me you had parents?” “Why certainly, I didn’t just appear out of thin air. Anyway, the other day I had an aha moment I realized that the letter G in the alphabet might be the most uplifting letter of all the 26. I think the list that follows will be like opening up an old and unused treasure chest where many answers can be found. So your homework that I’m assigning to you, is to memorize all these G words that I have compiled for you.”


“Wait a minute God, you really want me to memorize them in my brain and not on my computer?", "Yes that’s right for if you memorize them they might have more meaning. By the way, I’m going to test you next Friday and in a year from now and again in a 100 years. I’m going to check in and see how good a job you’re doing of putting all these words into action! Now get your pencil out, time starts now!” “Gorgeous, glorious, giving, glowing, gratitude. gentle, glitz, good, goody, goodness, great, goal, grow, glad, grace, grateful, glisten, glory, growth, graceful, guidance, genial, greeting, gleaming, giggle, generosity, given, generous, gayety, gift, glint, gregarious, genial, gleeful, gospel, grandeur, grasp, gritty, groom, guaranteed, gusto.” My my that’s quite a list to draw from God, but what happened to all the negative ones like grumpy, grudge, grimy, gotcha, guile, guilt? “God damn it, whoa boy, now you’re stepping on my toes. I didn’t put the negatives on the list because I think you already know them all too well. I hope I haven’t overwhelmed you but I didn’t want any excuses that you don’t have enough sage words to work with. It might have kept you from putting your best foot forward.” “Times up, hand in your papers. My my my, I think I see some promise here.” “God how did you decipher all that so quickly?” “Remember son, who you’re talking to. Well folks I’ve enjoyed myself but it’s time for me to go. I know my time here has been well spent knowing that I’ve done all that I can do. Now I put my faith in your hands believing that you will come out of this mess somewhat disheveled but on top. So long I wish you all well and don’t forget that love is the only lasting solution.”

See Ya, Jack


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