Updated: Jul 16, 2018
I’ve just finished reading an article that speaks to my “this can’t be so,” side of my mind. It seems that some genius in our U.S. Health Department has decided that if an Avocado falls from its tree and makes contact with the ground it can no longer be sold to we consumers because it has been polluted by making contact with said ground. Which is a lead in to my favorite rant. This pet peeve deals with the “inessential” need to be washing ones hands constantly as if it might possibly cure the “common cold” along with many other supposed “keep you healthy” benefits just by using a little soap and water.
But there are just too many inconsistencies, like being out in the woods and you forgot your soap and no sink. Will this be the cause for your next sickness down the road, I think not. Now in the case of men we’ve got “taking a leak” all backwards. My Tally-Wacker hidden away behind, 1st underwear, 2nd maybe a long tail shirt, 3rd my long leg pants and 4th if it’s cold maybe a pair of Coveralls is much too clean for my hands that have shaken a hand or two, wheeled a shopping cart without using the hand sanitizer and many more strange and not so strange places. So if the next time you see me in a public bathroom and I’m washing my hands before I “take a leak” you’ll know the reason. I think that our society is still suffering from some of the teaching of the original Puritans who landed on Plymouth Rock a few centuries ago. They preached that fun was a sin and what could be more fun than making love. So my Tally-Wacker was made out to be the work of the devil to be considered an unsavory thing. Consequently we still Pee first and wash second and that’s backward. Which leaves, by old English standards, the only other use for a Tally-Wacker is to make babies and that is one time per baby. Well maybe a second time just in case the first time didn’t work. 10 children 10 times but who knows, your mate might let you get lucky ah 20! As for the women of the world if they just blotted their “U Who”they wouldn’t have to wash their hands either. Just think of all the water that could be saved and our Immune System would keep on doing what it’s supposed to do. Keeping us Happy, Healthy and Wise.
P.S. Mary our class patron saint relayed to me that our beloved editor of the widely read Class News Letter felt that calling a penis a penis was found to be too abrasive a word for our classmates tender ears. I asked, what our dear editor would rather have me use? WILLY “really” that means that his last name must be Milk-Toast. You know my choice Tally-Wacker it has a manly John Wayne ring to it. I think it’s time to call upon our class members to vote for what moniker our “male member” might be called? We might find how far we have left our Pilgrim ancestors behind or not!!